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April 19th 2009
January:
January:
Over Boyfriends mothers house. Living there. Things are going better got over all the insecurities of him and his lack of confidence. now hes standing tall holding the hand of mine in public.
February:
Valentines Day... Trinity Blood From Boyfriend. Went to Alpens to visit my sister... shit happened. bad shit. Boyfriend drove 500 miles to come get... i was done up there after that. Still going strong.
March:
Turned the big 18. Talking about moving to Texas but who really knows if that will ever happen. Boyfriend wants it... Im still undecided.
April:
Moved in with my mother in the apartment. Boyfriends mother was crazy. insanity. 400$ a month. 200 each not bad. Working at Walgreens. i would have to say the best job i have ever had the pleasure of having. the people are that bad either. Friends come over and spend time with me... Boyfriend breaks his face... has to have surgery and i take care of him. Figures story of my life.
- Location:on the floor.
- Mood:
calm - Music:Gun Powder and Lead - Miranda Lambert
December 10th 2008
As another Awkward day comes and goes Boyfriend says that we would make better friends than we would as we are... Thats understandable everyone has those thoughs but you never tell the other you think this. its an unwritten rule of the relationship. and as we feel awkward and silence over came us the day was ruined by that on remark. ill tell myself that my Sanity wil allow we to wait for him to get over this fear but who really knows what going through that mind of his at this moment... only Boyfriend knows and to be honest... im not a psychic.. i know shocking. but what more is shocking as we continue down our path his younger brother get girlfriend pregnant... nice to know congrats and all that good shit but what about the child? he cant properly take care of himself let alone a child.. what an idiot. how hard is it to put a wrap on your member? yeah its sooooo difficult. -_-
The fact of this journal entry even though short is that Love hurt. you just have to realize if the person your with is worth a bit of pain.... is it worth hurting yourself to make that one other person happy? if you ask me.. yeah he is. even though you can tell im actually quiet happy with my life at the moment... stressful and confused but happy at him and out life together. just when he realizes this.... it will probably be to late.
As another Awkward day comes and goes Boyfriend says that we would make better friends than we would as we are... Thats understandable everyone has those thoughs but you never tell the other you think this. its an unwritten rule of the relationship. and as we feel awkward and silence over came us the day was ruined by that on remark. ill tell myself that my Sanity wil allow we to wait for him to get over this fear but who really knows what going through that mind of his at this moment... only Boyfriend knows and to be honest... im not a psychic.. i know shocking. but what more is shocking as we continue down our path his younger brother get girlfriend pregnant... nice to know congrats and all that good shit but what about the child? he cant properly take care of himself let alone a child.. what an idiot. how hard is it to put a wrap on your member? yeah its sooooo difficult. -_-
The fact of this journal entry even though short is that Love hurt. you just have to realize if the person your with is worth a bit of pain.... is it worth hurting yourself to make that one other person happy? if you ask me.. yeah he is. even though you can tell im actually quiet happy with my life at the moment... stressful and confused but happy at him and out life together. just when he realizes this.... it will probably be to late.
- Location:in my bed.
- Mood:
loved - Music:Janus
December 4th 2008
As i sat in a cell i would often write in a journal and now that i have been free for a little time now i feel that i can better myself by getting my thoughts on paper once and for all. Lately Angry is the only feeling that rushes through my veins. After high school the real world hits you pretty damn hard and it all matters if you embrace it or get knocked over by it at that point its hard to come up from that topple. In regards to me... i got knocked on my ass. The day that i have been alive 18 years is becoming closer and closer as the days go on, dreading that day... doesn't seem to matter on bit it will still come and there isnt anyone that can do anything about it. Doctors, Dentists, Sleeping schedule... as it stands i have a lot on my plate and lot to get going on. The boyfriend (Micheal) continues to push for my succession with school and getting a diploma. College may not be that far out of reach but on other hand it might be right out of reach and i might not ever be able to grasp it. Through all of this chaos the job hunting continues as always... one day maybe but not a day thats soon. Moving a pain in the ass also... but it has to be done. you might not like it all the time but people have things that have to be done whether they like it or not. thats one thing i keep in mind as these days go on and on without fail. Without fail mother thinks of my as a youngster and maybe in her eyes i am but she will have to handle seeing me as an adult cause the 18th is just around the corner... In happier times the six month mark is coming up. Amazing as he is, he does have flaws but loving him with those flaws is the thing that matter the most. Commitment... a big word to some but a small step in the direction of happiness for most. one of the things i lack is that one big word... but maybe this time it will be different youll have to leave if to the sky to figure that out. Everything really always happens for a good enough reason. maybe its to see if you strong enough to forgive or maybe its to live with the regrets and the shame of the things you have done either way theres a reason for everything. Karmas a bitch... remember that. Compromise... is also another one of those big words... but all relationships can not grow without it. boyfriend and i have that. if its not one way its another and thats how we keep going strong we work everyday to keep it working. with the fails of everyone around us, whispering in our ears that we will also fail cause they want others to feel as miserable as they do, we still become to get closer and ignore everyone around us and just keep steping on the paths we are on.
- Location:Home
- Mood:
indescribable - Music:no. 5 - Hollywood undead
